So, i was back with my own t this week (in 2 groups and then one on one). I was surprised to learn how much she didn't know about my weeks during her absence - the T's all talk with each other and "fill each other in" but she seemed thoroughly surprised when I told her of my very serious compulsions to take a full bottle of pills and also the cutting and attempt to open a vein (actually I never told her that last part because she seemed already surprised and not really into talking about it). I never know what to do in these situations. I know i am supposed to tell her... and then i minimize everything. I merely metioned that there was injury this time, and she nodded with her brow furrowed, made some notes. I didn't tell her there were new places chosen to injure or that they were (still not severe) more 'severe' than usual. I did (hopefully) cure her of her belief that my internal selves are ALL here to protect me and that none of them actually want to kill me. Her furrowed brow became a full fledged frown. *sigh*. But i have fallen into the trap; the believe that if i tell her ALL about me she will (choose one) think i'm disgusting, fear me, fear for me, leave me, send me away to someone else who can 'deal with me'. I want SO SO SO MUCH to be loved, respected, liked, cared for and about. And she does care about me and respect me. I like that. I don't want to lose that. I know - i KNOW- it is my job to tell her all about me so we can heal those deep wounds. and her job to listen without judgement. it is my judgement that she will see me as hideous and turn me out. i am so scared to lose her. i can't lose her to the image of my darkness.