I'm glad you are not a syrupy martyr who is selfless and gives and gives and gives. That would be pretty dysfunctional and kind of suck. You don't need to be that kind of person. Sounds like everything is really REALLY hard for you right now. When we feel like crap one of the best things we can do for ourselves is not pretend that we feel syrupy sweet nice things instead. Sometimes us human beings - especially those with a trauma history and DID - just feel like crap. It's ok to feel and be that way. I don't mean that feeling like crap is a good thing, because it's not - it's actually really crappy, and i am truly sorry that you feel so bad right now, but

I AM saying it's okay for you to feel and express that here, if that is how it is for you. You don't need to pretend something else.
I really hope things improve for you soon.