Quote:
Originally Posted by ECHOES
Isn't it great when T says something that rings so loudly with truth!
My T and I were talking about this last session too. About how being close to someone feels like I will be engulfed by the other, losing myself. "I" would no longer exist.
This came later in the session. In the very beginning of the session I felt myself being not totally 'there'. Pulled away, self protectively. This was the first time that, when I noticed this, I was able to get out of that foggy state and be fully 'there' and it felt very good and connecting. It was exciting to feel that nearly imperceptable shift from being psychologically removed to being present.
So, maybe this is a beginning for you. As he said, there is no pressure to 'perform' (to look at him) but there is now more information about this, and knowledge that he understands what it's about. It may take a lot more talking about it, and about how you feel about it, before you can take it in fully and before you can challenge your self protective ways and experience the joy of looking at him could bring.
You can't imagine not being like this, but I hope he's opened your heart to the idea of it  |
I don't really get what being more "engaged" is supposed to look like. What else I'm supposed to do. I talk (usually). I tell him deep things and feeling things and pretty much whatever he asks. I (usually) stay pretty present now and don't float away. I don't look at him, but to be honest I doubt that just the act of looking would suddenly mean I am "engaged". I certain there must be more too it than that, but have no idea what it entails.