Thanks for your reply, Perna. Some of the questions you brought up have caused me to think a little more about why I'm feeling this way.

I do know my own self-worth, at home anyway. My SO has been through a lot with his divorce and ensuing custody issues. For 3 years I've been putting aside things I wanted to do for myself so that I could take care of them. At the beginning of this year I plan on doing one of those things; I'll be going back to school. SO is so very supportive of this and he's very excited for me.

But anyway, I understand what you're saying about trusting yourself, especially when another person puts their trust in you.

That may very well be the issue here. I don't fully trust him. I trust his judgement, yes. But I don't trust that he will -- or is willing -- to give me everything I want or need.

Some history: When we first began our relationship (would say after about 5 months dating) I knew that I loved him and that I could definitely help him heal. He was so burned by his ex-wife that he was not interested in a long-term relationship. No kids, no marriage, just dating. Forever. Well, that changed with time and a lot of patience from me.

So now we are at this point: He talks about marriage sometimes, and really does bring up our "golden years" a lot. He likes to talk about what we're going to do, what our own home will be like, things like that.

But I honestly really think that he's content with this situation. He has me to do all the wifely and motherly duties, and he has his two kids. I could not tell you with complete certainty that this will change. He wants to wait on finances. Says we can't get married unless we have so much money, so we have to wait. And about the baby thing: I find myself REALLY jealous of him and his ex. They have both experienced the one thing that I really do have a lot of drive for. And I kinda feel like the chance is being taken from me.

Do I think he would try to back out of this relationship? No. I think maybe sometimes he doesn't think I'm worth the risk.

So, yeah, I do feel like I have a distance problem. I'm pushing him away before he has the chance to disappoint me, I guess. But I really, really don't want to leave. He is exactly what I wanted for a husband and I'd be lost without him. I guess "taken for granted" was what I was looking for when I wrote the first post (I wrote it at about 2 in hte morning!) I've given a lot of myself, but haven't even gotten close to what I want out of life. But pushing him away isn't going to get me there either.

I just really don't know how to solve it, though.

Thanks again for listening. It helps so much just to be able to SAY this stuff.