Yea! That's what I find too --once going, it's easier to do yet a bit more...

Today. Not good. At all. Yes, there are times when I've been massively depressed, suicidal etc and so on. And those are totally different, like apples and oranges to compare, but today may just be the worst day of my life so far. Just not in the same way as the above. I'd far rather be inundated with morbid intrusive images than have this be happening. At least that's familiar territory and I could take the burden. And the whole thing is just so surreal and very very serious there's a numb "can't believe this is really happening" feeling. Unless we can fight it sucessfully, our lives will be impacted very seriously and negatively forever. I can't really deal with that thought. And the guilt. If only I'd been there, maybe I could have kept it from happening at all -- the timing was close to me being home. (I've explained that from here out we will have a crisis plan, and he may not like it at the time, but we need to have an understanding that it is necessary.)

Can we add to the mood indicators?.... Freaked out, completely overwhelmed, meltdown imminent? --there are many more, can't think of atm.

Sorry to be such a bummer, but I just can't comprehend this whole thing, I'm very very afraid for him, for us, and afraid of an episode, a meltdown being precipitated from stress greater than I've ever experienced and that soooo cannot happen right now...Completely and utterly freaked out. My psych person said I could call before next scheduled appt. and that very well may need to happen. It's a long drive though. Need to call to see what to do in such a circumstance...