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Oct 22, 2010, 04:31 PM
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Member Since: Aug 2009
Location: Fringes of the bell-shaped curve
Posts: 779
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tryingtobeme
When you say group therapy here, do you mean the chats about certain things like Borderline or DBT? I used to go to both of them and need to get back to going. I just don't feel important enough to be in these groups. Let me know if you mean something else that I am not aware of. Thanks again for all the kind words!
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I did a Google search on "online support groups for abuse" and came up with page after page of links to sites offering online chat groups, guidance, information, hotlines, etc., including the ones available here through PC.
You are no less important than any other person on this planet, and no less deserving of being treated with the same respect and consideration that others expect and demand that you afford them. First and foremost, you must replace with healthier self-esteem, self-respect, and self-talk the corrupted programming that was instilled in you by your abusers that tells you that you are not important enough to care about. Listen to what you say to and about yourself; your abusers have programmed you to demean and abuse yourself even when they are not present to do it personally. You have no more right than others to abuse yourself - to devalue and demean yourself.
You are an especially important person in the life of your son. Children learn how to be adults by mimicking the attitudes and behaviors of the adults in their lives - especially their parents. Think about what your son is learning to expect from life and relationships; what he is learning about how to perceive and value himself, how to treat others (especially women), and how he can expect to be treated by others. How can he learn to develop healthy self-respect and respect for others if the most prevalent behavior patterns he has as references are those manifested by abusers and their victim?
Perhaps looking at the situation this way will help to motivate you to actively pursue therapy and even participate in the abuse support groups. Studies have proven that children who witness others being abused in any manner (physically, verbally/emotionally, etc.) are negatively affected by the experience even though they were not necessarily the target of that abuse themselves. So, if your self-esteem is still so damaged that you can't yet get help for your own sake, then do it for the sake of your son so he won't suffer the same emotional trauma and damage that has been inflicted on you by your abusers or become an abuser himself. He needs to know that the abuse you experienced in the past and the abuse you are still experiencing in your marriage is unacceptable - it is WRONG - in fact, it's illegal.
I know that you want to be the best Mom you can possibly be for him, and that means being the healthiest person you can be in order to set the best example for him - to teach him that being abusive and being a victim of abuse are both unhealthy points on the spectrum, and that being a healthy, responsible person means respecting others AND himself.
We're all standing with you and rooting for you, tryingtobeme.  lynn09 
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"I walked a mile with Pleasure; she chattered all the way, But left me none the wiser for all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow and ne'er a word said she; But oh, the things I learned from her when Sorrow walked with me!"
(Robert Browning Hamilton; "Along The Road")
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