Hello All,
I have been in a mental hospital 3 out of the past 4 weeks not all at the same place but 3 different ones. I have been so far diagnosed with Major Depression, A good possibilty that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, Extreme Stress, Insomnia, lack of self worth, zero self esteem, can never see anything positive and have a negative rebuttal for anything positive, plus I have not worked since April due to severe knee pain in May I had aa TKR I have no money coming in so my mother pays my bills ( which bothers me greatly ) 5 months out from the surgery I am still having severe pain in my knee, I am concerned that I will no longer be able to do any standing or walking for any length of time I am sure there is more but I guess that is a pretty good start. I am seeing a new Psychiatrist who pretty much doubled my meds. I am currently taking 300mg of Effexor XR 300mg of Welbutrin 300mg of Trazodone for insomnia. I have been so negative I am pretty much convinced these meds will not help regardless of what I have told. I am so desperate for wanting to feel better but after dealing with this for so long I feel that this is almost pointless. At what point do things turn around? I am tired of seeking help by going to the ER and then getting admitted for Depression but I am still thinking about going back daily I cannot control my thoughts I would never think about committing self defense due to my kids and mother but there has not been on day or one hour that I have not thought about this and wonder why I am even here since I seem to cause so much pain and anguish to myself. I have appointments set up for ongoing therapy starting next week and the first week in November I will see someone about BPD therapy but that is then this is now. Please help a kind word or two would go a long way. I am not trying to be morbid but realistic about myself.
Lonely