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lynn09 · Oct 22, 2010, 06:34 PM

Hello, Lonely in Va, and Welcome to PC. I'm sorry to hear that you are having so much difficulty in so many areas of your life right now, but you are wise to want to get a realistic perspective on yourself and your situation. One thing to keep in mind is that your level of frustration with your situation is directly proportionate to the expectations you have imposed on yourself and your situation.

Consider that the medications and anesthesia used during and after your surgery and the fact that your body is having to use a lot more resources than normal to heal your surgical site definitely impact the effectiveness of your psych meds. So, it may take some time before your body responds to the new levels of meds, and eventually those levels will probably be readjusted down at some point when your body chemistry stabilizes.

Also, physical and emotional stress from your post-surgical pain and worrying about what you may or may not be able to do physically in the future pump all sorts of stress hormones into your system which can interfere with the effectiveness of your psych meds, can put you in the "fight or flight" mode, interfere with your sleep which can contribute to mental confusion and irritability, etc.

Give yourself a break!! Things are not "business as usual" in your life right now, and you must deal with what IS rather than what you want things to be, so tailor your expectations to the situation as it is. Stay in the moment, get through the next hour, get through THIS day, and deal with tomorrow when it gets here. Demanding more of yourself than you are able to deal with at the moment is only going to stress you out more, prolong the post-surgical healing process, and interfere with your mental functions. You did not CHOOSE this situation for yourself - you did not CHOOSE to have depression, BPD, or problems with your knee, so don't punish yourself for something over which you have no control.

Try to think of it this way - what if a good friend of yours (or one of your children) was in this very same situation and set of circumstances right now - what would you be saying to them? Would you be beating them up and demanding that they just achieve "normalcy" on command? I seriously doubt it. Be just as patient, understanding, kind, compassionate, and supportive towards yourself as you would be towards a friend and/or your child.

Life is not static and the only constant in life is change - which means that your present circumstances will change, as well. As for the timing - in answer to your question, "At what point do things turn around?" - realistically, things will start to turn around when they start to turn around and not one second sooner or later no matter how much you worry and stress about it all - in fact, worrying and stressing about it all will probably only delay that point. So, relax and give yourself some credit - you know that you will do whatever you can do when you can do it. This situation does NOT define your identity - how you deal with it and treat yourself while you're dealing with it does.

When things get to be too much, come here and post. There are many kind and caring people here able and willing to provide you whatever support they can. Take care of yourself and I hope you are feeling better soon. lynn09