You know, what you said about his "tantrum" and the steak knife really scares me! You need to talk to someone, somewhere soon. I can certainly understand that you question whether to stay or leave him. These "tantrums" aren't just a horrific way for him to vent his emotions, but also they serve as a way to scare you--and I am sure they in fact do! Don't let his fears of counseling--yes, that's what it is, probably along with his own denial--keep you from seeking help. Whether he goes to counseling or not, just you going will help strengthen you. Try contacting the Salvation Army, your township office, the village/city hall deparment of health and human services, PAVE (People Against a Violent Environment), or check in the yellow pages under "social service organizations" to locate places that offer more cost-effective counseling. The forums here are a great place to vent your own fears and frustrations, so keep posting. It helps alot!