Welcome to the forums...as SeptemberMorn says, you will find many warm and supportive people here.

I don't have a lot of familiarity with antisocial personality disorder, but I seem to recall reading or hearing that it is very difficult to treat, so it is not surprising that you have been unsuccessful in changing these behaviors on your own. I think it would be very helpful for you to look for a therapist who can work with you and give you tools to help alter those destructive behaviors.

Good luck, and let us know how you are doing.

mj