Hi granite1!

Sorry you have such difficulty with your feelings. But I understand what you’re saying. I had the same problem as you, had feelings of “only” fear and anger, or totally numb. For me a feeling was somewhat like a separate entity, something separated from me and had its own life and I was SO afraid of them. But I came to terms with that. Every morning and night I sat down for a while to check my body, especially the chest area because it is the centre of sorrow, of pain. When I focused on that area, I realized that I never exhaled enough. (Holding our breath “numb” our feelings) So I exhaled, let all of the air out just a little bit more than I would normally do and held it there for a second or two and then, the sadness arose and I cried for a while. And while crying I also paid attention to the thoughts that followed. And as I did that I consciously increased my awareness about my feelings to include three times a day until I could easily reach my feelings without even thinking about it – finally, they came to me. So, when I could sense the feeling in my body they became more understandable and manageable.

Maybe you can try this to get in touch with your feelings underneath your fear and anger.