Before I started T, I ONLY felt "okay" or "stressed". Not angry, scared, sad, joyful, etc. When another feeling threatened to sneak up on me, I just used a bad coping mechanism and made it go away, or pushed it away, or didn't recognize it, or any number of other things. I didn't know I *could* feel other feelings. At my first session, T asked why I was there and I said "I want to be able to feel my feelings"

T never "taught" me to feel. But he helped me work through all of the barriers to feeling. And sitting with some REALLY BIG feelings in T's office and surviving has shown me that my feelings won't destroy me. That's been huge. Just being able to be in a safe place and allow whatever happens to happen.

It's been a really slow process (like everything else in therapy), but worth it. When I pushed away sadness, fear, anger, etc, I was also pushing away peace, serenity, joy, and I didn't even know it. I thought I could pick and choose, but I couldn't.

Life feels more "real" this way. It took me a LONG time to realized that that's what I wanted - real life, with all of the good and bad feelings that come with it.