Sannah, you are right. it is confusing. just re-read it today. its one of those memories that just come to me every once in a while and it came yesterday. and was just writing as remembering.

this person should have been protecting me and teaching me about the good in life but instead allowed someone to do wrong things to me when i was little for years (even in their presence sometimes) and then wanted it too. it was a betrayal. just hard to understand why. so this day was a build up of previous things that all seem to come to a head. a kind of emotional explosion that never made it out of my head. the police came. i never told anything, again. and so it has sat in my head with all the other stuff. leaking out every so often.

sorry for putting it up here. i need to learn not to post this kind of stuff.

yeah, i will tell t in time. right now i just sent t a long email the other day about the school kids. told alot. have to deal with that first. i now realize there are alot of things i will eventually have to tell t about.