Hang in there, Trinity. Often, you know, when things take a turn like this, something is changing, and it doesn't have to be for the worst. It's just that any change and any healing is hard and stressfull (after this operation, I got to learn that all over again!) what you have to say is worth something to people here, even if we don't always answer, or feel that we can say soemthing that might help. It's good that you felt you could get on the boards and rant a bit! Better out than in. take care of yourself, dear, and I hope you start feeling better soon.