(((Anjelmarie))), I wonder if in his family they are taught that they are not allowed to have bounderies. It sounds to me like maybe his family has a rule about no one can have healthy bounderies. So he is just unconsciously acting on that. This is not an excuse for him, by any means. Just wondered if thats whats going on. If so, it doesn't change things. Just would clarify some of the roots of this very unhealthy family agreement ( structure) . And by the way, with families that have this underlying agreement ( law, rule) about no bounderies, people are made to feel very selfish if they want to have healthy bounderies. This is how the whole unhealthy structure can be perpetuated. But you are not selfish at all. In fact, I believe personally that your bf is asking you to be unhealthy in the actions and bounderies you want set up. I wish you had a good place to go to. to get away from this unhealthy enviornment. Because it seems either he does not want to change, or he feels too guilty to even try. ((((anjelmarie)))) keep posting !!!!