Have you ever heard of a "mixed" episode? It feels like your emotions are in a blender. I get them, and they are far worse than a hypomania or depression. Sorta combines the worst of both worlds. You might be experiencing one. They are difficult to treat. My meds keep me stable except for those, so i just ride them out. During these episodes, I have passive SI, but if you've got a plan to hurt yourself, please tell somebody.