Not sure how to put this coherently, but I'll try, because I feel truly desperate and don't know what to do. I started a new job in a new country last year, and got overwhelmed and depressed soon after that. Since I didn't know how the country's mental health system worked, and didn't feel up to taking all the steps necessary to see a doctor, I put it off until last September, when I also started getting flashbacks, was crying constantly and, worst of all, couldn't sleep and concentrate at work, so finally I couldn't work at all.
I finally made an appointment (which felt like a huge accomplishment, believe it or not), told him the symptoms I was experiencing. He gave me some anti-anxiety meds and a sick leave. It gets a little better, but then I try to work, can't, ashamed of it, get frustrated, and start spinning out of control again.
Now, I've been on sick leave for over a month and a half (!!!), and the doctor is getting frustrated with me. There is a 3-6 months wait for a psychologist, so there isn't any other doctor I can go to, and I just feel like I can't come to this (very nice) general practitioner again, and whine about how I can't stop crying and can't just make myself stop feeling hopeless. I feel like I'm just making him frustrated and annoyed with me. I think I'll just say "I'm feeling so much better, thanks for your help", I can't stand another person thinking I'm weak and can't get over myself. Since I'm not doing my work, I'm afraid they are going to just fire me. I would quit, but I have nowhere to go.
I'm not sure myself what I expect from anyone on this forum, I just can't stand feeling like this any longer.