hi lynni admire your honesty. i have a similar prob with rage. i think hatred may stem from your own fear of sumthin' that your situation triggered. often i try to look at me rather than the other person in these cases. we can't change others but we can change self and i think that's why you posed the question. justme but i pray for the other person when i feel ill will towards them. it doesn't help them probably but for some reason it helps me.
as for your having feelings of hatred-i was told by my T that "feelings are not facts", they are just feelings. we all have them. this situation you were in-i'm aware of it from other posts-tapped into your "protect mode." i feel it's natural to feel strongly about something like that.
prayer and acceptance of what is helps me. try to focus on getting on with life and not empower them, so to speak, with giving them "rent space" in your head. it will do nothing at all but disrupt your spirit. the past is the past. try to live in the now and embrace it. time also will remove those strong feelings.
enjoy the now and try to avoid those thoughts of rehashing what happened. there would be no "payoff" for doing so. hugs.