Salukigirl, is this your boyfriend or your husband? I think the example of your sister's marriage is cautionary. Please do not have children with this man until you work things out.

Please let me know if you check out the Jennifer James book. I am curious about what she says. The more you describe, the more it sounds exactly like what she dealt with in her book, so I'm thinking, hmmm, maybe she has ideas for helping with this that aren't the ones that first come to mind?

Sounds like a good idea to try the counseling service at your school. At my school, as long as one person is a student, they can bring in their non-student partner for couples counseling.

I was in a long-term marriage where I put up with a lot of stuff from my spouse. I somehow became a doormat, even though before the marriage I was not a doormat-type person at all. My therapist said I didn't set boundaries for what was acceptable behavior from my H and what was not. I am not good at setting boundaries partly because I never know how to enforce them. Apparently, I needed to set boundaries, really be firm and draw a line in the sand, and be prepared with severe consequences if he did not respect my boundaries, such as leaving the relationship. And I never did that, until the very end, when I got divorced. I wish I had known much earlier about boundaries and had coaching on how to enforce them (because this was certainly not a skill I had or could just do on my own without someone telling me how, step by step--it was just so foreign to me). Another good book (wish I had read this years ago):
Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day by Anne Katherine

Good luck.