That is great you are getting help for your problem, VS. One thing that might help is if your spouse could speak with your therapist. She could have a frank talk and learn from a professional about your prognosis. (You could be there too if you both wanted.) If I was a wife and a therapist told me that my husband was working hard in therapy to conquer his problem and that others who worked hard like he did had been able to change, I would be encouraged, and not feel so hopeless in the marriage. Especially if the therapist could give some sort of time estimate, like if he could say in another year or so, I predict your H will be over these problems, because that is how long it usually takes people like him. That would give me a finite time I could hang on for. For me, this problem would be severe enough that I could not endure it indefinitely (a lifetime of marriage). I would need to have hope that my husband could solve this problem, or I would want out of the marriage sooner rather than later. Of course, if there are children in the marriage, there is greater incentive to hold out longer before splitting up (in the event you could not solve this problem).

I realize what I wrote may sound somewhat harsh, and I think it may be colored by the fact that I recently divorced after enduring 20 years of a marriage that was in many ways very painful for me because of my husband's personality, behavior, etc. I wanted to be sure to say that--so maybe take what I said with a grain of salt. Your wife may be feeling less hopeless or unhappy than I was, and that would be a good thing. If your wife is feeling very hopeless and unhappy, please encourage her to get counseling before her unhappiness reaches the point of no return.

Good luck to you both.