I struggle with this, too. We talk about it a lot during therapy. I think what it boils down to is that we all have different sets of priorities. What is important to you is not automatically going to be important to your husband. And as candybear pointed out, people can't read minds.

Part of the problem in my relationship is that if I actually do spell it out for him, he responds as if I'm trying to tell him what to do. And I guess in a way, I am.

I'm working very hard on thinking about whether the household things I want him to do are to meet my standards because they are theoretically optional, or whether he really is shirking what are fair responsibilities that should be included in his sets of priorities.