So, it has been 4 months since my male exT moved to another job. I've continued therapy with a new T, a woman. I've been trying to unravel what was going on with me in relation to the male T - the grief I felt was immense, disproportionate.

I knew enough about therapy, so I was expecting to experience transference, and to figure out what that meant, who it was about.
But did I fall in love? I was not expecting that! I certainly tossed out the notion that it was possible or reasonable. I think I assumed it would never happen to me once I was married.
Logic said "You are married, this is not happening, this is not necessary, leave it alone."
Inner Analyst said "Dis is transference, vat does dis really mean?"
Reptilian brain said "You really like this guy! Check him out!"
Inner teenager said "OMG, he is SO totally AWESOME, and he totally likes me!"
Now, looking back, it seems like good old-fashioned unrequited love for an idealized man. I did not know the real person, and I know he did not have any feelings like mine.

While I talked about my feelings, we never worked on the transference element, what it meant, who it was about. Maybe that would have kept me from moving into a deeper feeling about him.

I think I am really trying to just accept it even now. It was not bad, because I think feeling love is never bad. It did impact my functioning and my relationship with my husband to some degree because it was a distracting presence. It made therapy harder than necessary.