Reach out to your Pastor. Don't think about it, just do it. You are crying out in a non-verbal way that you need to be heard. He can provide that in a safe way for you.

Crying to me is not babyish at all, quite the opposite. I think sometimes it takes bravery to cry and feel those feelings. It's much easier to cut, eat, drink, or all of the other unhealthy coping methods we use.

Gentle hugs