I hear you. Therapy has been soooooo helpful about this. I really have reached a more peaceful place now that I realize that my priorities are not automatically going to be his priorities. And, we fortunately have the means for now, so I hired a cleaning lady to come every 2 weeks. I'll save my battles for things that are more important, and the benefit is that *I* am less stressed out.

I know it's not the ideal solution in a perfect world, but it'll do. The important thing is that I don't let my resentment build up. He's more likely to be in tune with my needs and wants if I'm not a stressed out lunatic on a cleaning binge. He feels bewildered and guilty and overwhelmed in those situations -- anyone would, really. Can't blame him.