I am confused!

Some days, I am nearly giddy with my boyfriend. So happy, hopeful and filled with a wonderful sense of peace. I feel at ease with him. I feel happy with my place in this world.

Then I see my daughters. When I drop them off with my ex-husband, I fall into a deep sense of gloom. I lose all hope. I become bitter ~ the word "love" sends chills down my spine. Not in a good way. Just a sense of deep despair. I always avoid talking about my future.

I do avoid being alone for long. Just a couple of days ago, I was incredibly anxious. My heart pounded all day, anxiety stirred inside, not good. Even though I was hungry, I couldn't muster up the determination to make or buy food to eat. I'd rather feel my tummy growl than . I don't understand it. I felt like I did years before I was finally diagnosed and began being treated for epilepsy. So, you can imagine my panic that I was having seizures. What a mess!!