Trying to keep all of these feelings and fears at bay is getting to be harder these days. I've been up since 3 am and feel so alone with this sometimes. I get so tired of feeling exhausted all the time. Having to watch everything I do. Knowing that there is no one here that I can talk to. Here, meaning at home. Everything is going to be ok yokus, right?
No, I'll stop the steroids and eventually have number 6 of ards. And then what? It makes me feel as though I need to DO things. Be ready. Say things while I can. Sounds pretty morbid and like a lot of self-pity. It's realism that I try to just ignore most of the time and pretend that it's not out there. It's certainly not helping the depression at all. And I want to say to my family, "listen, don't you SEE what is happening here"? Is this really what you want? Whoa, I need to get a grip only I feel like I'm just slipping into depression even more. I'm going to post this now before I change my mind again. I do answer a lot of posts but then I read what I wrote and say to myself that sounds stupid and erase it ha.