Hugs, suga! And never worry about posting! That's why the forum and all of us are here. Sometimes reciprocating is difficult, even impossible. I'm currently in a place where it is only somewhat of a struggle, but there are times I can't really do it at all. That's ok, and the great majority, (if not all of us(!)) have been there. It's totally ok!

Total emotional numbness is familiar to me, too. I've always considered it a form of depression. But who knows. That's just my feeling about it. It is a strange place to be and I hope it lifts for you soon. Above all, stay safe, even if it feels like it's pointless. In fact BECAUSE it may feel that way, because that's a sure sign that the disorder is lying to you. Do not worry about BF flipping out. There was this time that really stands out for me, when my ex-husband made clear that he did not want me to seek help, even though things were really bad. At first it seemed like an impenetrable roadblock, but then I realized... Hey! Wait a minute! THIS IS NOT UP TO HIM! It's your life, your call. You know the support and help you need. Do not hesitate to seek it -- it's not up to him!