Yes it really does help to have a place to vent where people are reading and replying because they want to...Thank You! Sometimes I feel like badly when I'm confiding in a friend because then I'm making them feel bad and that's not my intent I just want to keep perspective about all of this and it's hard when your so emotionally entrenched. Anyway, I think I will file for divorce...I work full time and am working on my bachelors so I can provide for myself and my son adequately without him At this point it just doesn't matter to me anymore whose fault it is...the fact of the matter is that I don't like my son (or myself for that matter) in this unpredictable environment. I never know what I'm walking in the door to... charm or venom. He may not be physically hitting me (I'm not counting being shoved or held down to be made to listen, mind you) but the interaction between the two of us is a poor example for our son (and yes, scary!). I do like your idea of going to some kind of counseling on my own...I don't want to carry around any negativity from our relationship. I really just want to be a good mom more than anything else. I think I just need to admit that I made a mistake, that I had a child with someone I was not and am not in love with, that I was basically a wildly irresponsible teenager and stop compounding the error by carrying on this miserable attempt at civility between the two of us. I need to be a responsible mother for my son and provide him all of the happiness he deserves and the best way I can see to do that right now is to find some happiness for myself.



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