Yesterday in GT we were presented with information on STYLES of commumication.
It was very interesting for me to learn that much of what I thought of who I was or my peronality is learned style of communication, and is a piece of the picture of how I function rather than who I am.

Some of what you said reminds me of me, and I am now working out what my style is :Assertive;Passive; Agressive; Passive/Agressive; or a combination of Passive and Agressive called Alternator; where you go usually from Passive until you explode. Of course the style that brings many benefits is Assertiveness.

Not sure if I read you post right, but my friends called me consistantly inconsistant. Trying to fit in and trying to be true to myself.
If this interests you look for opportunities for Assertiveness Training.

g1