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Yokus, I've had the same thoughts and feelings, but I haven't had an illness that makes it real. The reality must be extremely tough to face!

I've even planned out my own funeral until I realized that I was still trying to make myself heard, I was tooting my own horn. Most of all, the songs I picked and the Bible passeges I want read are an effort to reach out to those family members that have judged me unfairly and that are still blindly feeling their way through life. Sigh! I can't do it anymore in death than I can do it while I'm alive.

Then I think of a little saying that pops up now and then that goes "Live today as if it was the last day of your life." Telling people how you feel is a good start. "Get your affairs in order" isn't as morbid as it sounds. I found a certain satisfaction in it and lo and behold, some of the depression lifted.

Most of all, Yokus, talk about your fears. They only grow in dark, unspoken places. Once you put them in the light, they shrink to a more managable size.



He's making a list and checking it twice...