Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and my family wants me to come home to be with them.

But me and my family has a real bad past experinces which invovled things I can't particularly bring to the surface of my thoughts right now for it would be to painful. Lets just say that it invovled lots of abuse ( I hate that term).

Every time I think of going home I think of all the issues that were never solved when I lived there, and all of the pain and suffering I had to go through which involved them to a large length.

Its the hardest thing to sit in front of the people who use to hurt you mentally and phyiscally so much, and just smile like nothing has happened. Not to mention that last Christmas when I went over there all of the problems blew up in our faces. All the old dirt came up and the fighting and things I just don't even want to remember right now.

There is so much I want to say, but can't verbalize right now and I feel completely awful knowing that in about two weeks from now I will be sitting in a place which I do not want to be...a place which I know problems will arise.

I really don't want to go...I don't think my mental capacity could handle going, but my family is pushing me and I know I cannot let them down or the consequence would be worse...

anyone have ANY ideas of how to get away form this with the least damage?

sigh...I don't know ...I feel like I'm victimizing myself.