Wow. I am SO filled with shame right now

I don't know if the shame is from session, or from the event we talked about in session.

I know that in session, the feelings were SO big, I couldn't even sit still. I was curled up with my face on my knees and my hands over my head and my feet under me in the middle of the couch. But I kept sitting up and bending over and honestly, kind of freaking out. I just COULD. NOT. TAKE. IT.

When T came and sat with me and held my hand, I was shaking so hard that I could see our hands shaking.

Now, looking back, I'm so ashamed to have had such huge huge huge feelings. I made myself stay there and not drift away, and now I kind of regret it.

But. There is so much shame around the trauma itself. It all gets mushed together.

It feels awful. I *know* I have to feel. I have faith that I'm where I'm supposed to be on this journey. And I feel awful and it sucks.