(((((((((Tree))))))))) What you are feeling with this recoil is normal for trauma work. I know that doesn't make it easier. But it is a big part of the healing journey. The emotions are all mixed up with the freedom of being able to finally tell our truth, along with shame/guilt over the situation - emotions we have carried often deep inside since the event(s), and sometimes guilt of having told things we may have "promised" to never tell about (such as me "telling on" my dad). All of those things together at one time leave us in a bad chemically charged and emotionally drained state. In a nutshell, it stinks.

Let yourself continue to contact T and just get the safety there you need. T is there and t knows. Be honest. Be real. And just feel your way through it. You will come out stronger after it is processed. BIG SAFE HUGS!