((((((((((skeski)))))))))))

When my T started talking about me comforting myself, I felt that way too. Pushed away. But I tried it out of desperation, and there have been times that it's worked. And, it turns out, T is still there for me too...so instead of something being taken away (T's caring), something has been added. I've never had anyone take care of me before T, so I wouldn't have had any idea where to start taking care of myself before. T's caring has taught me that I deserve to be cared for, and that it's OKAY to be cared for...and that makes it a *little* easier to care for myself.

And yeah...the reactions rooted in trauma are scary. I do that too - and it DOES feel SOOOOOO real and based in the present. My H has gotten good at saying "this is not about what's happening now" and it does make me take a step back and notice....but he's not always around, and it's still kind of a confusing mess for me when it happens.

Things sound hard right now, skeski.