Thanks for the replies...

I e-mailed T earlier about the shame, and he sent me back the best e-mail ever. It feels like way way way way more than I deserve...to be understood and loved and not judged...and I'm having a hard time opening up and letting it in.

T wants me to let love in, and let love crowd out the shame. It feels almost like a battle inside.

I want the love to win. So hard.