When my husband hurts my feelings and my anger flares up, I get stuck for hours or days. I don't talk, and I get so full of rage that it hurts.

I can't start to calm down until he's away from me and I'm certain he won't try to communicate with me. His presence is fuel to the fire.

We fought four hours ago over a stupid misunderstanding. I know it. I'm so tired but I can't bring myself to go to bed because he'll be there and I'll be seething because I have to be next to him. I'll have bad dreams, wake up angry, and be angry for most of tomorrow. We'll talk tomorrow or the next day and then it will all release and I'll be fine.

It's our pattern. I hate it so much. We're getting better--it used to happen at least weekly without fail, and we didn't always resolve the big issues under the little misunderstandings the way we do now. But I'm so tired of it.

I hate how angry I get. I hate fighting with him. I wish I could just forgive him, but my inside parts are so delicate...when I imagine not getting mad I get scared like he'll walk all over me and yell at me. I know that's a family of origin problem and not something he'd do. I know it but...I don't really know it yet. I feel like such a mean freak, like I'm broken and I'm going to break him.

I will keep trying to get better at this. I'm glad I can vent a little here. I don't have any friends who are married, and everyone close to me is close to him, too. I don't think it's right to talk to them about him. This helps! Maybe I can sleep...