The way that I see it is that when things happen to us we need to process it. We need to talk about it and we need to let our feelings out about it. I'm assuming this didn't happen to you when you were small. This awful thing happened to you and then you had to zip it up and go on like nothing happened. And add to that that you were young and unable to deal with this by yourself (adults can't even do this alone). You needed comfort.

These feelings and memories didn't go anywhere. They have stayed with you all these years and you have been struggling to manage them. Pile shame on top of this and the shame probably came from keeping the secret about such an awful thing.

But now you are letting this out and processing it, the natural thing to do.

You are doing everything right Tree and you will get through this and it will be much better on the other side.