Awww, vj, my life's not exciting either (well, yes, atm, but not at all in a good way!!!), but hanging out together we could at least watch some funny DVDs!

You know Clive, I think you're onto something interesting there with the anxiety and social isolation factor.

Me. Hmm. Well. Ridiculous boatloads of random anxiety (and attendant medication. I try to ride out as much as I can, but damn...) Well... random but for the ones that occur every morning waking me up before intended time. Bleh. Other than that, things are plugging along in a pretty normal way despite circumstances. It's almost like an on/off switch-- times of being just logical and accepting that it is what it is, and we'll do what we can... to sheer OMG! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! with all the attendant Future Fears. Ok. Need to not think about that. Freaking out now. (Will spare you Though Process of the Moment...)

You know, that's the weird thing, really. Unprecedented fear and unknown comes along, and there ya are making an eggy muffin thing. Or going to work. Knowing that small actions each day are leading up for better or worse to the great unknown.

Like this afternoon. Had to go in to work. Could NOT calm down. Felt like exploding in tears (very rare anymore, but that's another deal-- it's more an inner howl). I've just never been in a situation remotely like this and feel like I can't talk about it without judgement from so many angles. (Like... all at once!) It's hard enough, and I've come to the conclusion that there is no positive in talking (except a bit here). Funny to even think that really, as I talk to almost no one(!)--seriously, like, 1 person (haha, so what's the deal, right?)

Mostly better than might be imagined though. (Still, glad my P-nurse knows I've hit stress-central and had said to call if needed. Knowing that does help somewhat...)

If I just stay up long enough, can I avoid the morning panic wake up? No, really. Can I?