sounds like it's time to let pdoc and T really know how you are feeling, suga.  i know it's hard to trust or reach out irl but is sounds like that's what you need to do. if it means going to hosp. to get this all out, then you need to do that. often times being in a safe place-hosp.- is wise. your mood is overriding your good logic. time to reach out irl, imho. is there any reason you have not told them for real how you are feeling? i could be wrong but if you called and said what's going on i feel the pdoc would see you or t.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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