This is the MAIN issue facing me today. I do have others that are right near the top, almost a tie, as it were, but this one is the motherload.

My father suffered from undiagnosed and untreated depression for years. My mother blames it all on his parents, (my grandparents) and claims he was abused as a child.

Now I dont know about that.

Anyway....like I said, untreated depression. At some point it got the best of him, and back in the late 90's he molested his granddaughter, my neice.

He went to prison for 5 years. During his stay, he was beaten by a cellmate to within an inch of his life. They had to drill a hole in my father's head to relieve the swelling and fluids.

My father now has the mental capacity of a 4 year old.

My mother...has had diagnosed depression for years as well...and this incident only further drove her deeper into it.

They moved away from us....like 50 miles away in the country.

Bottom line is, everytime I pay them a visit or call, my mother dumps on me. To the point where I have been suicidal after talking with her.

I havent talked to my mother since last spring.

I think about her often. And as a man of faith I struggle with this deeply.

It is one of my triggers.

Like I said, it is the major issue on the table at the moment.

I am 44 years old. I have my own family to take care of. I know all I have to do is pick up the phone and call her....but I know what will come out of it, if I do.

I feel like a bad son, for not being there for her.

And I am it. I have only one sibling. And my sister wont have anything to do with our parents since the molestation issue. I can't blame her, had it been my daughter, I would have ...done who knows what.

With all of that said....I dont know....it nags at me, infecting my mind.