I really feel like I can't win some days. I'm doing my best to stay sober and my recovery involves 2 streams - AA and aftercare at the hospital where I did rehab. I also see my addictions Dr. there every couple of weeks.

You've read my vents before about my frustrations with people in AA who disagree with the medical treatment I get for mental health and addiction.

Well today I'm frustrated with my medical Dr. She's generally supportive of AA although she definitely doesn't push it. But today I told her I'd been talking about starting a 4th step with my sponsor's help.

Ooops, big no-no. She doesn't agree with the 4'th step, think's it's outdated and overly negative. Her opinion, I've been through enough dark moments in therapy why open the door to more negativity. She strongly advised against doing it.

The thing is I feel like I've been carrying around a lot of old stuff & resentments for a very long time, that I would really like to get rid of, and I think doing a 4th could help me do that. I'm also in a really good place emotionally and think that looking at my character defects could be a good idea, and help me move forward. My sponsor agrees. I jsut sort of feel it's time.

So I'm probably going to start working on it this coming weekend.

I just wish that my different recovery streams weren't so opposed to each other - makes me feel like I'm picking and choosing & having to navigate really rocky waters.

--splitimage