Hi Guys,

So, I'm in a relationship with a pretty amazing girl. She seems to be absolutely great for me. She's passionate, artistic, loving, and caring... most of the time. We started dating in June under one of the best of circumstances. I knew her from before she's a best friend of one of my best friends. We weren't set up - we kinda just fell in love.

The only problem was that she lives almost 1000 miles away from me (she moved from the same town as me about 1.5 years ago and was visiting for our mutual friend's wedding when we started dating). We had an amazing first few weeks together, then she had to go home, and I had a job across the country for a couple of weeks during the summer. Then I visited her for a month in August, and that was absolutely amazing.

Pretty early in the relationship she told me she has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and I didn't think much about it, because she seemed absolutely normal. Now, it's really getting to her - she's feeling worthless and for almost no reason and she has nightmares almost every night (none of this happened the first few months of our relationship). I bought a book on BPD, and I'm in the process of reading it.

Now, here's the real trouble. Prior to our relationship, she was in a relationship with a guy for 4 years. She was in love with him and he did not love her back (at least he never told her "I love you"). Finally they split up and didn't speak for the entire summer (while we were dating). Then at the end of the summer, he called her and apologized for everything and told her that he loves her (for the first time). (Keep in mind that while he's doing this, he was in another relationship). Initially, she denied any advances he made to her for the sake of our relationship (by this time, we had admitted we love each other dearly and we were never going to be separated because we're so "perfect" for each other). Finally, unannounced, he appeared at her door (he also lives 1000 miles from her). She couldn't turn him around because he drove all the way and she felt bad, so she let him stay... for almost a week. During this time, he manipulated her and somehow dug up old feelings and she called me telling her she needs time alone to decide whom she would be with.

Naturally, I was devastated, but I talked to her on the phone telling her how much I love her and telling her that I would never break her heart and she knows I can promise that because I never broke her heart before. She started to come back to me. When her ex got home, he called her, saying that he was in love with his then-current girlfriend and that they're soulmates and he needs a lie to cover up why he took the 1000 mile trip. She was so angry, but decided to help him anyway and apparently fixed their relationship. She and I became perfectly fine again, probably the best we've felt about our relationship. Then the Ex broke up with his girlfriend (supposedly) and began pestering my girlfriend again with "I love you"s and "We're soulmates"s. She again refused all these advances, and I kept telling her that it would be a healthy decision to stop talking to him - however, I did not force her to do it. She didn't stop talking to him - she has a hard time letting go of people from her life.

Now, it comes to the present:
He takes advantage of how she won't stop talking to him and keeps pestering her over and over. She remembers all the times he's hurt her. She knows I will never hurt her. But, he seems to be pushing the right buttons. She wants to hit him. I want to hit him. He's being obsessive, not romantic. But, whatever he's saying, it's bringing back old feelings ONCE AGAIN. Here's the cherry on top: last night he arrived at her house unannounced again. I love her dearly, and I don't want her feelings to get crushed again. Yes, I know I should worry about myself first, but I just can't see her get devastated again. I could have broke up with her the first time this happened and I didn't because that's how much I love her and she appreciated it.

We talked this morning, and she's not happy about his visiting. I told her that the strongest thing she can do for herself, her ex, and myself is to ask him to leave. I'm afraid it's going to go through the same cycle as before. Will the cycle ever end? Why do people like her Ex exist? Why are they so persistent? And why is he winning? Or do I just think he's winning? How much of all these emotions she's feeling has to do with her condition? What should I do? I'm supposed to visit her for the first time since this past summer for Thanksgiving, but her Ex might ruin our relationship before that, and I cannot visit her before then.

I love her so much.

As you know, this story is all from my perspective.

Thanks you guys for all your support, and if you read all that, I appreciate that you read my story.