Dear One,

Basically I got very very mad. I got mad as h*ll when I saw him walking arm in arm to our divorce hearing with his ugly pregnant girlfriend. It took all my strength not to strangle both of them right there on the spot.

I hate to say it, but it took so long to get me out of that mindset of trying to "fix" him and the marriage that I've found myself depressed on his schedule ever since. (Disappearing every weekend with lame excuses so he could be with "her".) And I'd hate to see anyone else with that fate.

If you can find one in your area, or even on line, look for a women's support group. They can give you a lot of good advice. And one hint . . . if what they say angers you, write it down and give it more than one thought later. I found that a lot of the things that women told me that angered me didn't anger me cause they were wrong, they angered me cause I didn't want to admit they were right.

I wouldn't plan on holidays and such excluding him. I would plan on them, but don't count on him participating positively. If he does participate positively, that's great. If he doesn't, it won't crush your plans. And just remember, whatever he's doing, he's doing it because of himself, not because of anything you did or didn't do or say. Keep reminding yourself to be proactive, not reactive.

MsNiteOwl