My mom will be dead 4 years next week. I'm still grieving. It still hurts. Alot happened after she died. I became estranged from my siblings and we still are not as close as before. They made a decision between the two of them to take mom off life support and didn't include me in the decision. Then i guess they were guilty and so basically stopped talking to me and didn't help me clean out the apartment or anything. Also, I was unemployed and couldn't contribute to the cost of the funeral and everything and my sister made several remarks about it like it bothered her. Well we are just now speaking, my sister and i and only because i wroter her and my brother a letter about wanting to have a relationship again. We spoke by email. My sister hurt me more, she didn't want me to have a private moment with my mom when she was dying. She stood there looking at me until i said i'm not going to tell her not to die. And she said, please don't. When i went to the hospital when she first got there my sister came bouncing out of the room telling me she told her its ok to let go she had a good full life. Thats the first thing she said like she was ready for her to go. Although I want a relationship with her and my brother i still think back to the things they did and didn't do that hurt me. Plus me and mom had a complicated relationship. She had mental illness too and was difficult sometimes, well alot of the time. But I wasn't ready for her to go and I feel guilty that i didn't do as much as i feel i should have and i should have spent more time with her if feel. I should be past all of this but i'm not. All of this helped to bring my major depressive episode on. Anyway, i just needed to vent and wondered if anyone had problems with family after a death and how did they deal with it and how did people deal with complicated long term grief.