I just am feeling so off - again. I keep going over my old posts about how to trust T. I tell myself I am just processing this. I just don't know at this moment. Trying to not spiral. Feels so odd - like that foundation I saw the other day is the actual fact of therapy and not what I thought was there. That reality is only part right. I think. I am hurt I guess. But feel like I just want to go away inside for good and do what I said to not let anyone close to me that way. But I needed to have what I do with T so I can learn relationships. So I am just feeling this too... and will see whatever happens. I hope he pulls some dumb magic bunny out of his #&^ but not sure if he can or will even want to. I think if he just says he is sorry and means it - if he does that and makes an effort to listen to me being obviously boring as heck when I am not looking directly at him - well maybe I will forgive so I can keep what I have or imagine I have - with him. IDK. Too exhausted now to think more about it.