[quote=silentwhisper;1546443]I have to have a place to write. I am hurting and anxious and about to lose it inside and out. I just finished a nonviolent crisis intervention class tonight. I was told to pull my partners hair so she could practice the release move. I did...it did not work. So the trainer had me pull her hair and she could not get me to release either. She said I was thinking about it too much or else I would release when she did the maneuver. I told her I wasn't. She insisted I was. I told her I have ptsd and maybe that because I was so aware of potential trauma that is why it did not work. She said some kindergarteners will instinctively do what I did. Then when I did the grab I was told very few people grab with their thumbs down. I felt so inadequate. What comes so naturally to others does not to me. Can I help that? I cried and of course everyone was trying to reassure me. If they only knew. Maybe I should tell them. Tell them about the beatings and rape and torture and desensitization to pain or the threat of pain. I am crying. I am no good to anyone.[/quote]
In so many ways and times I have dealt with this question for as a child we were not treated as children should have been treated. The simple fact that each time we are put into a situation that shows just how different we are just puts a spot light on our pain.
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when we are dealing with the pain we find it so hard to seperate then look at the situation to find out how we can change, to heal from the abuse of the past.
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Please know that even though we have not responed we have been reading your post you are not alone we are here just like those here that have responded to you.
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sending safe thoughts and hugs from all of us to all of you>