lol so i added him but ran away to sleep and he messaged me at 1am in the morning saying that ifi didn't respond he'd go back and block me again but of course i was sleeping so i woke up all like 'damn..' but he sent me this thing, this website page, document thing of how he felt about the relationship and our break up, and i wasn't really happy with it, but it was peaceful without any resentment, and at the end it made me cry cause i realized he was no longer within my reach like he used to be.

i sent him a long e-mail a few moments ago in response to that, half hoping that becuz im blocked on messenger he won't get it. but it was really neautral. i didn't mention hurting, nor did i mention crying, or how wrong he was, or how my family hated him, etc. it was more or less an e-mail that had no intentions, but claimed that i was getting help, implying my capability of moving on, and saying the whole thing had taught me many valuable lessons, that i viewed him and our relationship has a thing that was needed so i could learn, and that i was thankful for it. it also said that i didn't feel like hanging on anymore, and that i viewed him as a friend that i couldn't have. i said that i would no longer feel guilty or upset about how things might have been my fault because it would be a waste of time, and the only thing i was sorry about was the fact that because rachel wont let him talk to me anymore, he's missing out on all my growing and accomplishments after he spent over a year, encouraging and trying to get me to this point.

of course most of this was said indirectly, but if he reads it, which half of me doesn't think he will, then i hope he gets that from it.