you're actually right. I usually always wanna stay friends with Jesse no matter what! I even got him to promise me that no matter what happened we would be friends forever, and he did. But as soon as I found out about him and Rachel he dropped me and all our promises like a rock just because she is insecure and jealous and doesn't want him to talk to me. It's completely unfair because while I had been with Jesse, after the first time she went with him, I never wanted them to talk, I was okay with him talking to other girls cause I ignored it and told myself I could trust him, but with her I would freak out if I found out she had contacted him in anyway because I knew how she was and what she would do. But she would always cross that line, constantly, she would talk to him behind my back and the day before they started cheating on me I had freaked out because she had tried to be friends with him and I tried to be calm and I tried to tell her I wasn't comfortable with it but she acted like my feelings were nothing, and apparently he did too.

I hate unfair treatment, it's my biggest pet peeve, but I was always getting this. But despite that I always still wanted to hold onto something I once had until I could gracefully, and slowly move away from that person as I met new people where it could come to a point where I didn't talk to them ever and I could delete them. But it was just so abrupt, I had barely a moment to grasp the fact until they took off.

I felt free and calm after I sent the e-mail but now the reality.. it's coming back to me and settling, and I'm hurting again. I really dislike heart break pain, it's worse than physical pain to me.