StacyMay - You are so right ! MEN! My favorite line is... You can't live with them and you can't shoot them! Thanks for making me smile!

MsNiteOwl - It takes so much restraint of the emotions doesn't it? For me it is a constant evaluation of "how am I feeling" right now? I change my thoughts if they are heading down a bad path. I use "self talk" , I cry when I feel like it.... I find my times are the worst in the mornings. This morning, I had a dreaded feeling that we may make the news for the next murder/suicide. I began to pray protection immediately. Then I actually text my husband and asked him if he was planning on taking my life. He did answer (which I was so thankful for) and said "no". I went online and did a bit of research and found that 75% of people who do this are depressed and of those 95% are depressed men who are angry. That left me feeling frightened.
He hasn't threatened me in any way except that he oozes hatred toward me and honestly, I am not that nasty of a person. I am not perfect, I have my faults but I haven't done a thing to anyone to cause hatred. He leaves for work an extra 15 minutes early because he knows when I get up. He now leaves before I wake. He stays out of the house, in the garage when I am home, he does eat dinner with us, but will avoid making any physical contact with me, even to accidentally brush up against me. He makes wide turns!
I am trying to put all of this into perspective and hang on to the fact that it is the disease and not all me but I sure am doing some self examination!
Thanks for listening!