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Oct 28, 2010, 11:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascension
...and I would like to not be so lonely. I have no friends to speak of, ...I don't know why but for as long as I can remember being close to people is very hard on me. Even as a child I sat at the edge of our activities and watched unable to connect with them. .... It's been this way my whole life. ...It's not a matter of wanting to not deal with people but an inability to...
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First of all, you HAVE made a lot of progress --that much is obvious, even if it feels diminished somehow for not accomplishing everything you'd like to. But that's just the way it works! If there's anyone who's accomplished everything they want to, I've never met them, and seriously, I don't even think they exist! Give yourself credit for those things you have accomplished. 
Also wanted to let you know that you are not alone in the excerpted parts of your post (other parts too, but these really hit a chord) (and btw, OF COURSE I read the whole thing! ). I've been the same way all my life, but for a couple of years -- in high school of all places(!), though I seriously have to wonder if I was just in an extended hypomania at the time (there are some other things in that time frame that also suggest it). All the years previous and hence, while hypomanic, I'll be somewhat sociable (not initiating though --except h.s.--the only time I had a couple of real friends..,). Every other time, we're talking acquaintences. And like you said, it's not for not wanting it, but an inability to do so. Most of the time, I just don't think about it anymore, but there are times of pangs of heartbreak over this.
Sooo, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in that.... 
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